Tuesday, June 23, 2009

scratch that

forget what i said about *makes the shape of an "L" on my forehead* her. she has no problem hurting me, why should i care about hurting her??? she's a selfish snob and i can't help but burn with resentment towards her. at this point i don't care at all about her. she's an idiot. no wonder we all got something to say. its b/c her ATTITUDE. she treats ppl like shit. pushes them around. all the things that she comments about are judgmental and hurtful. she disrespects people. she pushed around my mom. i mean, how rude can one person get?

and i'm through with you. keep in mind that i'm not telling people not to be friends with you, or to ignore you, or to not invite you to things. if anything, they're CHOOSING to do that. i don't care what you do with your life. just don't put me in. it. b/c you know what? i am SICK of you. i didn't tell allyson to say that about you. YOU did that to HER. how shallow can one person get? 

i see people for they're personalty, what they do, and how they act. who they really are. not for they're looks. so you can't rely on your "pretty face" to get sympathy from me. b/c to be honest, the way you act, the way you treat people, the way you treated me. you have to be the most ugliest personality i have seen, which makes you an ugly person. this is the result of what you did. in case you haven't noticed, i don't hate easily. so i wouldn't feel this way towards anyone for just anything. it has to be something big and hurtful. and thats what you did. 

to not see how you were with me, that was bad. to do it to someone else is worse. i don't burn bridges ok? i destroy them. but with your bridge i didn't have to do anything. you pushed the self destruct button. i didn't want our friendship to end, i tried to tell you to fix it or else i don't want to be your friend anymore and i don't think i can put up with it any longer. and i'm just sticking to my word.  if you're not willing to put an effort to our friendship, why should i? you did this. i don't deserve to be treated like shit from you any longer. i'm not going to baby you anymore. you can't always have things handed to you. 

but seriously. its getting to the point where most of us can say "we DID care about her. we DID love her. but she was just too much of a brat" for me, i got to that point. do you really want to put anyone else through that?

i'm  through with *makes the shape of an "L" on my forehead* her.
i'm through with you...

Friday, June 12, 2009

By My Side by Urban Germany


BY MY SIDE by URBAN GERMANY

[Verse 1]
The way you look at me now
Makes my heart beat faster
Breathing harder
And I cant figure it out
How you do it
But I dont have to cause I
Love the
Way I feel right now
Right next to you
And I pray that

[Hook]
We will be like this
Forever in time
Just take my hand and
Dance with me tonight
Under the stars
Under the moon light
And when
Times get harder
Ill think of tonight
All I need
Is you by my side

[Verse 2]
The wind blows right through your hair
And it seems to whisper
That you are just something else
The feel of your touch, makes
Me realize that
You might be the one
The one for me
So please just stay right here
Right next to me
And I pray that

[Hook]

[Bridge]
I know that time will test our love
Along the way
I know well face some rainy days
So I take this moment
And save it in my heart
Just in case
And I pray that

[Hook]
We will be like this
Forever in time
Just take my hand and
Stay with me tonight
Under the stars
Under the moon light
And when
Times get harder
Just think of tonight
All I need
Is you by my side



<3>_<





(jacked this song off steffany tran, but she doesnt deserve this song. especailly since she likes... yeah now. totally doesnt suit her. haha so ill take it.)

what i have to say about you...

i know by reading this months past blogs, youre most likely thinking "wow jens a little ho. switching from guy to guy" but, what can i say? im going through a tough time and i just think justin is good eye candy. i have no feelings of affection toward him at all. please, dont mix it up. and chief, i know its been such a crazy roller coaster with him. and now i am officially ready to get off and be with someone else. someone who cares for me. this one gives me what chief didnt: TLC. i was the one that provided it, but isnt my turn to get some? dont i deserve some love in my life?





and i wanted to apologize to lorraine. im sorry you guys who will probably be disappointed at me for feeling this way. but i cant help it. shes still has that one place in my heart where she always has been. i cant let go everything we had. but i am tired and frustrated on how she acts and treats me. i dont want to have to tell her. im sick of it. and she may be changing but i really do not know if i should give her a chance. i did last time, and she changed for awhile, but then flipped over and went back to being a snobby brat, and i hate having all this resentment toward her. i really really do. it makes me feel ugly inside and its tearing me apart. i hate being the weak one. i dont want her to feel like she can have what she wants from me. im tired of her bullshit. i really really am. but, i still love her very very truly much. and i hate myself for it. im already ugly, i dont need this hate to make me more ugly. and i dont want to make this into a "competition" with our friends. i dont want to give them anymore drama for them to worry about. but ill admit i am scared as hell that she is going to closer to them than i am. i love them too much to just let them go like this. ill continue to be myself. no hate no resentment and no jealousy. such ugly things. i should be happy that now all the ppl dear to me are all in one spot. haha. ill see it that way. like denise sereno says "think positive!!!" and i will. and like how kikay says "no one every hurt their eyes by looking at the brighter side of things" and i will. just for you guys.

Monday, June 8, 2009

the truth of you

ill dont think ill ever have the courage to tell you.

im not that srtong to give you up

and im not that strong to hear the truth of rejection.

i like it just the way is

i can roll with the punches, ive learned to be numb when it comes to the pain i recieve from you

when lorraine cries or axell cries or my ex cried i wanted to do something to help them. to make them feel better... but when you cry or are just sad i dont know what to do... it makes me want to cry too.

















but ill never say it out loud...

Saturday, June 6, 2009

i can't help but feel this way about you

the time it took to find you
i would
wait again my baby
the feelings with you, yeah
i need you now and forever
so stay right here with me
don't ever leave
love was kept from me
until you...

I'm ok, Its alright, good to know that your fine.
Pretending everything is right, to make it better.
I'll hide my make up smeared eyes, to show that I tried.
Some how you have managed to get under my skin,
more than anyone ever did.
And if every whole makes a scar and every scar marks its place
then I will never live freely without your trace.
And it'll never be fair,
I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared.
So Ill forget you, Ill wish your t-shirt,
kill the pillow and cut you out of pictures

so here it goes
my last chance
i'm a hopeless romantic
and i understand why you dont
why you wont show your dangerously enemies
and its tragic so pathetic
i am in love with you and you just dont get it so
when you lay your head at night
do you think of me?
do you think its right to leave me here
to kick myself
to hate myself for all that ive felt
oh i'll miss your every moment and i cant hold it
i swear
i'll miss your
perfect charming selfishness i can't
say goodbye
say goodbye

You should know it's true.
Just now, the part about my love for you,
And how my hearts about to burst,
Into a thousand pieces.
So, it must be true.
And they'll believe us too soon.