so yesterday I really just got my hopes crushed. So remember awhile back how I wanted to ask chief if it was weird if I held his hand? Well yesterday when he and I were walking to sixth period I held his hand and asked "is it weird when I do this?" and he said "no"
I was relieved. But then he added, "not unless there were some hidden feelings behind it, then it would be weird, why do you ask?"
At first I was like >.< SHOOT!!! I didn't know how to answer his question b/c I didn't think he'd ask. so I faked laugh (argh the ugliest laugh ever) and I said, "well... Um b/c.... Uh I uh did it to bunz and he said it felt weird. So I was uh wondering if it was the same for you!"
Argh smooooooth save right? Haha. Oh well what can I do.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
aswaitingdfkgjflhdforkgsmyoufkgdjt
argh why are you looking for other girls? Why do you talk bout getting a girl? Why do you say it's so hard to find one?
I'M RIGHT HERE
Why can't you notice you have something good and waiting for you? I've been waiting for so long now I think I might explode. But I know nothing can never happen between us and that nothing will ever happen to us. And that is what hurts.
I love you for who are. You don't have to change. I embrace your flaws and accept them. I tolerate your annoying qwirks. I actually have grown to love them.
It's your birthday and I have your birthday card sitting in front of me. And I have no idea what to say. If I start to write I know I won't stop. So sorry, no birthday message from me.
I'm right here. Why can't you see that? Open your damn eyes.
we go together like cold weather and a sweater
(PS LORRAINE Oh btw, thx for being there! Don't worry I'm not pissed at anything you did. I wanted to help you. I was stressed out at the moment. Iloooooooooveyou)
I'M RIGHT HERE
Why can't you notice you have something good and waiting for you? I've been waiting for so long now I think I might explode. But I know nothing can never happen between us and that nothing will ever happen to us. And that is what hurts.
I love you for who are. You don't have to change. I embrace your flaws and accept them. I tolerate your annoying qwirks. I actually have grown to love them.
It's your birthday and I have your birthday card sitting in front of me. And I have no idea what to say. If I start to write I know I won't stop. So sorry, no birthday message from me.
I'm right here. Why can't you see that? Open your damn eyes.
we go together like cold weather and a sweater
(PS LORRAINE Oh btw, thx for being there! Don't worry I'm not pissed at anything you did. I wanted to help you. I was stressed out at the moment. Iloooooooooveyou)
mistakes
argh! ok last blog today i swear!
i was so depressed after milball b/c like nothing special happened like i wanted to.
i made a BIG mistake that i wish i never made
i was exiting the building with him and we were talking and i took his hand in mine and we linked fingers for like a second... then he pulled lose, like he didnt want to hold hands. which i dont blame him b/c we're not even together, but hes never had a problem like that before. it made me soooo sad. and when i looked sad, he didnt even ask what was wrong.
bunz said not to underestmiate him. that hes actually a really good listener. but i would tell him my problems but they mostly consist of him. and when i vent to him, he'll vent to me then all i will hear is about mangonibbler and assbiter. then i wish i never opened my mouth.
i have got to get over him, but rodolfo was there to listen. but he could bearly hear me b/c his hearing went bad b/c of the loud speakers. but yeah.
i was so depressed after milball b/c like nothing special happened like i wanted to.
i made a BIG mistake that i wish i never made
i was exiting the building with him and we were talking and i took his hand in mine and we linked fingers for like a second... then he pulled lose, like he didnt want to hold hands. which i dont blame him b/c we're not even together, but hes never had a problem like that before. it made me soooo sad. and when i looked sad, he didnt even ask what was wrong.
bunz said not to underestmiate him. that hes actually a really good listener. but i would tell him my problems but they mostly consist of him. and when i vent to him, he'll vent to me then all i will hear is about mangonibbler and assbiter. then i wish i never opened my mouth.
i have got to get over him, but rodolfo was there to listen. but he could bearly hear me b/c his hearing went bad b/c of the loud speakers. but yeah.
military ball
it was fun just like i expected. i got really sore. haha. like for some reason everytime i would dance with alex i would like get really sore and i cant dance for awhile haha. rodolfos a good dancer, kept grabbing my hips. never knew he had it in him. haha, i kepy dancing with julie. she didnt want to dance with anyone else b/c she didnt want to feel like a pedofile. i was sad for awhile b/c chief wouldnt dance with me. he kept moshing and i t was pissing me off. i got to dance with him on a slow song but he kept stepping on my feet. jluisa and i kept trying to lose her date haha. it was funny. i had to dance with him once just so she can runaway, but he always found her in the end! haha. then he started dancing with other girl. omagh! my babygirl lost her Vsquad membership that night! haha she was all telling me a jay. we were like WOW! haha. shes just a freshman! but yeah. it was overall. i really surprised bunz with his date. it was sooo funny. he actually fell for it.
at first i didnt know what to do b/c he was already hinting that it was jessica. but i really wanted to surprise him so to throw him off bubba and i decided we needed a decoy. so like when i was in the bathroom doing maggies makeup this girl was like "oh i like your dress" and i was like "oh thanks! do you wanna do me a favor?" and she agreed and i told her to be my friends fake date like for a minute and then blow him off then his real date will appear and then shell take it from there. at first she was scared b/c she didnt want to hurt him . but she pulled through. at first the only ppl who knew were bubba kiking and kenny. then erik somehow found out, then booger found out when we first set him up with kim. axell was still clueless, same with allyson and lorraine and alex. haha. then when axell got ditched by his date he was all ike "awww i screwed up!" then jessica appeared out of nowhere and everyone started clapping. idk why the heck lorraine had to cry, it was supposed tobe a surprise for everyone, but everyfound out in the end. (geez dont get mad at kenny, i told him not to tell.)
oh my mom pointed out how like i took my time like most of the time helping lorraine get ready, but my moms like "why is it that when it comes to lorraine you can take your time, but when you want to get ready, she rushes you?" i didnt notice it at first but then i started to think about it i got pissed. so i shouldve been the one mad not her. but it was funny when we tried to put the contact on her. and that we found the lost one on the mirror. allyson was patient but we didnt have to do much. just straighten her hair with masscara and liner.
i looked like a tomatoe with black hair and blue eyes. thank god um redyeing my hair tonight. which reminds me i have to go and do hw... still sore
at first i didnt know what to do b/c he was already hinting that it was jessica. but i really wanted to surprise him so to throw him off bubba and i decided we needed a decoy. so like when i was in the bathroom doing maggies makeup this girl was like "oh i like your dress" and i was like "oh thanks! do you wanna do me a favor?" and she agreed and i told her to be my friends fake date like for a minute and then blow him off then his real date will appear and then shell take it from there. at first she was scared b/c she didnt want to hurt him . but she pulled through. at first the only ppl who knew were bubba kiking and kenny. then erik somehow found out, then booger found out when we first set him up with kim. axell was still clueless, same with allyson and lorraine and alex. haha. then when axell got ditched by his date he was all ike "awww i screwed up!" then jessica appeared out of nowhere and everyone started clapping. idk why the heck lorraine had to cry, it was supposed tobe a surprise for everyone, but everyfound out in the end. (geez dont get mad at kenny, i told him not to tell.)
oh my mom pointed out how like i took my time like most of the time helping lorraine get ready, but my moms like "why is it that when it comes to lorraine you can take your time, but when you want to get ready, she rushes you?" i didnt notice it at first but then i started to think about it i got pissed. so i shouldve been the one mad not her. but it was funny when we tried to put the contact on her. and that we found the lost one on the mirror. allyson was patient but we didnt have to do much. just straighten her hair with masscara and liner.
i looked like a tomatoe with black hair and blue eyes. thank god um redyeing my hair tonight. which reminds me i have to go and do hw... still sore
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
fuck....
math tmro... ew. whatever im not going to over think it. otherwise i wont be abel to sleep then i wont be able to concentrate on the test.
i think im coming down with something. like a strept throat. it hurts =[ i hope ill be fine before military ball. gosh! this week sucks really bad.
yeah i dont feel like saying much today b/c my brother is right next to me. but i found out what was up with mango-something-or-other (i forgot what i named her) and i guess i have bad timing. ill give her another week then see how she is.
oh yeah i was hangong out with babysam and kikay along with kiking and bubba and i reliezed how much of a dork babysam is haha. shes hella pretty but her looks dont match her personality. shes hella funny and crazy, but i heard her older sister is WAAAAAY crazier so yeah.
no dress....
im tired. iloveyou lorraine! thanks for being there for me! sleep tight! dont let the bed bugs bite! and if they do, tell them to come another night!
i think im coming down with something. like a strept throat. it hurts =[ i hope ill be fine before military ball. gosh! this week sucks really bad.
yeah i dont feel like saying much today b/c my brother is right next to me. but i found out what was up with mango-something-or-other (i forgot what i named her) and i guess i have bad timing. ill give her another week then see how she is.
oh yeah i was hangong out with babysam and kikay along with kiking and bubba and i reliezed how much of a dork babysam is haha. shes hella pretty but her looks dont match her personality. shes hella funny and crazy, but i heard her older sister is WAAAAAY crazier so yeah.
no dress....
im tired. iloveyou lorraine! thanks for being there for me! sleep tight! dont let the bed bugs bite! and if they do, tell them to come another night!
Monday, March 16, 2009
damn hormones
oh my goodness! why do i bother??? tell me why i tolerate chief telling me about other girls?? i die a little bit everyday b/c of him. he tells me his dreams and fantasies bout assbiter and mangoBITCH (sorry over emotional) i like want to cry. but i cant. i have to put on a front and laugh if he only knew what i felt bout him. it wouldn't be funny. i think he might get scared... i keep fantasising things that i wish would happen at military ball. like a cinderella thing. where theres a dramatic scene were i tell him and ill cry (b/c i know i will if i spill my guts out) and he'll laugh, hug my tight and tell me he's always felt the same. and all the talk bout the other girls were just a way to get me to say it. just to get me jealous. (btw guys that shit NEVER works) and then everything will be ok. things like that never happens to me though. the most spontaneous thing in my life is shuffle mode on my iPod. i guess im putting too much expectations on military ball. but what am i to do? thinking bout chief is more fun than actually being with him. atleast in my head things go my way and i have the courage to tell him. then in person i feel like i can do it, then he talks bout some girl, which makes me lose my courage, or he talks bout someting really stupid, which totally turns me off... but depsite all that i still love him.
and hey! dont judge me! i can say i love him! i have the right which to measure it! you wanna know how i know that i love him? b/c he's on my mind every second of every minute, of every hour of everyday =[ when i try to think or check out another guy, theyre unwillingly and unnoticably put out of my head and theyre replaced with thought of chief. i wish him more happiness above everyone else (even if those ppl have been there for me more than he will ever can be) even before my own. i sacrifice so much for him. i even help him with other girls, even though it kills me i want him to be happy. and damn im talking bout him ALL the time to my m sister. i cant even concentrate in class b/c he clouds my mind. im always looking for him. im always expecting him to pop out of nowhere even if im all the way in fremont. i always have a feeling he'll just appear at my front door and when i open it, he'll turn, smile and say "ive been waiting for you" GOD IM A OBBSESSIVE FREAK! is there therapy for this?
before i met you, my life was like a starry night. each star represents a meaning to live. and then you came in like a great bright light that shot out of nowhere. and then when you're gone, so is that light. and your light has blinded me and so i cant see the stars, my eyes cant adjust.
i wanna be the closest person to his heart. i wanna take care of him. i wanna hurt him , like how he hurt me. but i wanna love him so bad. he doesnt even have to love me as much as i do. like a BIG love like mine. just enough for him to say "iloveyou" and mean it. and just enough that at the end of the day, ill be the one girl he thinks about. the girl that he dreamt of four days in a row.
and hey! dont judge me! i can say i love him! i have the right which to measure it! you wanna know how i know that i love him? b/c he's on my mind every second of every minute, of every hour of everyday =[ when i try to think or check out another guy, theyre unwillingly and unnoticably put out of my head and theyre replaced with thought of chief. i wish him more happiness above everyone else (even if those ppl have been there for me more than he will ever can be) even before my own. i sacrifice so much for him. i even help him with other girls, even though it kills me i want him to be happy. and damn im talking bout him ALL the time to my m sister. i cant even concentrate in class b/c he clouds my mind. im always looking for him. im always expecting him to pop out of nowhere even if im all the way in fremont. i always have a feeling he'll just appear at my front door and when i open it, he'll turn, smile and say "ive been waiting for you" GOD IM A OBBSESSIVE FREAK! is there therapy for this?before i met you, my life was like a starry night. each star represents a meaning to live. and then you came in like a great bright light that shot out of nowhere. and then when you're gone, so is that light. and your light has blinded me and so i cant see the stars, my eyes cant adjust.
i wanna be the closest person to his heart. i wanna take care of him. i wanna hurt him , like how he hurt me. but i wanna love him so bad. he doesnt even have to love me as much as i do. like a BIG love like mine. just enough for him to say "iloveyou" and mean it. and just enough that at the end of the day, ill be the one girl he thinks about. the girl that he dreamt of four days in a row.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
sleep with the lights on
i hate how i want to do good in school. but when it actually comes time to do it. for example, i have so much to do in AP world like my review, and read the whole damn chapter. and in english i have to read like 243 pages of shit and highlight "significant" quotes and write bout them. nad i also have to do vocab. and i also have to do my honors english essay thingy. oh and BS the whole CASHEE thingy.
stress. stress. stress. STRESS. stress. stress...
my most commonly used adjective/noun.
im not trying to say my life sucks. but it could be better. im always trying to find ways to better myself and when i lay out a plan, i never follow it through. i procrastinate, i blow it off, i push it to the side. then i kill myself over it later it on. WHY DO I DO THIS??? i really pisses me off. i need to get my life in order. its too... all over the place.
i learned that in when we're in highschool, the frontal part of our brain is beginning to develop. thats our common sense part. so when we're in highschool, we're not as... sensible as we could be. we make stupid decisions and stuff. but i really hate that as being an excuse.
i regret buying my contacts. there are these really cool ones online. i bought like these ones at my optomitrist and like now i want these really cool azn [this is the website --->(ones.http://exquisitestore.multiply.com/) there make your eyes bigger? idk theyre really cool though. i was like 'ill just wait til my contacts run out' but these babies will last me a whole year! damn. this sucks haha. but what ever.
my mom hates me! she balmes our money problems on me. like as if i ask for money every waking moment. all i ask for is clothes. and do i getr that? NO! if you look at my closet you can trace back my clothes and shoes from eighth grade. gosh it really sucks. and she was like "jen always wants money." and of course i feel really bad when i ask for money. but she doesnt want me to get a job so i can get my own money, but shes doesnt want me asking for any... thats really stupid logic.
so yeah its almost 1 am. its 1259. haha i cant sleep. i was typing up some essays and i was planning on studying but i wanted to download some music. urgh! its hard to find a good website to get free music from. i cant use limewire =[ my family has a bad history with it. but yeah. did you know that if your caught with illegal online downloading youll get fined with $3000? and if you refuse youll have to pay $3000 for each song??? sucks right? what sucks more is that if you do it in college like if you live in the dorms or something, the college will hack into your computer and cut your internet off and they might charge you if you keep doing it. that sucks... but yeah my ipod started working! i was really sad b/c like music is my only vice. and without my ipod i have nothing! haha. its true! and i just got it! but i was like, maybe with a little hope itll come back to life (b/c it died but when i plugged it in to the charger it wouldnt turn on and at first i thought the wire was being stupid so i checked with my brothers ipod and his worked fine and thats when i knew my baby was a goner!) so i plugged it in again just with the slightest hope itll turn back on. i kept on pushing the power button but still nothing. so i sat down and started writing stuff in bulilit's birthday card, then i heard it. the most beautiful sound in the whole damn world: my ipod coming to life! i was so excited i startes to squeal (and not like a pig!) my mom thought i got hurt and my brother thought i was watching something scary. haha but im happy.
tmro, well technically today, is bulilit's bday! i made him a cake, which i tried somthing different (i put pudding in the mix b/c i heard it make the cake extra moist which is good) so i hope it tastes good. and lorraine allyson and i bought him a card. its pretty big. its sings, and i really like the song, well i like the bass line. haha. it suits him. and like i feel bad now. b/c bubba got him something special too and now bunz is sort of upset. i mean i know i would. like we're doing all this special stuff for buililit. IM SORRY! I LOVE YOU MORE BUNZ!!! but the thing is, bulilits bday is on a school day, and bunz is over break, which we had a party for. im not going to make a cake a bring it to his house when his mom bought a perfectly good cake. i would if i threw a party. (which im actually on planning to do but shhh its a surprise) and bulilit doesnt get much for his bday, and he says he doesnt like it when ppl get him things so im doing this to spite him... out of love though haha. so dont worry bunz, i have something special in store for you! haha.
O.O
fuck you guys! im scared of my room now! i keep hearing crap! allyson! i hate you! no more grudge movies! ahh! you dont even keep your eyes open! dammitt! im scared to sleep now! im going to sleep with the lights on now! shit!
stress. stress. stress. STRESS. stress. stress...
my most commonly used adjective/noun.
im not trying to say my life sucks. but it could be better. im always trying to find ways to better myself and when i lay out a plan, i never follow it through. i procrastinate, i blow it off, i push it to the side. then i kill myself over it later it on. WHY DO I DO THIS??? i really pisses me off. i need to get my life in order. its too... all over the place.
i learned that in when we're in highschool, the frontal part of our brain is beginning to develop. thats our common sense part. so when we're in highschool, we're not as... sensible as we could be. we make stupid decisions and stuff. but i really hate that as being an excuse.
i regret buying my contacts. there are these really cool ones online. i bought like these ones at my optomitrist and like now i want these really cool azn [this is the website --->(ones.http://exquisitestore.multiply.com/) there make your eyes bigger? idk theyre really cool though. i was like 'ill just wait til my contacts run out' but these babies will last me a whole year! damn. this sucks haha. but what ever.
my mom hates me! she balmes our money problems on me. like as if i ask for money every waking moment. all i ask for is clothes. and do i getr that? NO! if you look at my closet you can trace back my clothes and shoes from eighth grade. gosh it really sucks. and she was like "jen always wants money." and of course i feel really bad when i ask for money. but she doesnt want me to get a job so i can get my own money, but shes doesnt want me asking for any... thats really stupid logic.
so yeah its almost 1 am. its 1259. haha i cant sleep. i was typing up some essays and i was planning on studying but i wanted to download some music. urgh! its hard to find a good website to get free music from. i cant use limewire =[ my family has a bad history with it. but yeah. did you know that if your caught with illegal online downloading youll get fined with $3000? and if you refuse youll have to pay $3000 for each song??? sucks right? what sucks more is that if you do it in college like if you live in the dorms or something, the college will hack into your computer and cut your internet off and they might charge you if you keep doing it. that sucks... but yeah my ipod started working! i was really sad b/c like music is my only vice. and without my ipod i have nothing! haha. its true! and i just got it! but i was like, maybe with a little hope itll come back to life (b/c it died but when i plugged it in to the charger it wouldnt turn on and at first i thought the wire was being stupid so i checked with my brothers ipod and his worked fine and thats when i knew my baby was a goner!) so i plugged it in again just with the slightest hope itll turn back on. i kept on pushing the power button but still nothing. so i sat down and started writing stuff in bulilit's birthday card, then i heard it. the most beautiful sound in the whole damn world: my ipod coming to life! i was so excited i startes to squeal (and not like a pig!) my mom thought i got hurt and my brother thought i was watching something scary. haha but im happy.
tmro, well technically today, is bulilit's bday! i made him a cake, which i tried somthing different (i put pudding in the mix b/c i heard it make the cake extra moist which is good) so i hope it tastes good. and lorraine allyson and i bought him a card. its pretty big. its sings, and i really like the song, well i like the bass line. haha. it suits him. and like i feel bad now. b/c bubba got him something special too and now bunz is sort of upset. i mean i know i would. like we're doing all this special stuff for buililit. IM SORRY! I LOVE YOU MORE BUNZ!!! but the thing is, bulilits bday is on a school day, and bunz is over break, which we had a party for. im not going to make a cake a bring it to his house when his mom bought a perfectly good cake. i would if i threw a party. (which im actually on planning to do but shhh its a surprise) and bulilit doesnt get much for his bday, and he says he doesnt like it when ppl get him things so im doing this to spite him... out of love though haha. so dont worry bunz, i have something special in store for you! haha.
O.O
fuck you guys! im scared of my room now! i keep hearing crap! allyson! i hate you! no more grudge movies! ahh! you dont even keep your eyes open! dammitt! im scared to sleep now! im going to sleep with the lights on now! shit!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
HI!!! (lorraine and allyson say hi too)
lorraine and allyson say hi. theyre right next to me. the girls i hang out with the most nowadays. (denise, kirsten and kikay are there too but they dont understand me as much as these girls) life is stressful b/c of homework. english took the fun out of reading for me. i used to be such a nerd with my face in a book all the time. but now, english has killed me. i used to want to be an english teacher, but now i think id rather not. i want to move ireland, and have irish sounding babies. ill marry a hairy leprechaun. haha. so yeah. in my blogs i plan to not use real names, only to refer to lorraine and allyson. kikay will be kikay (guess who that is) and kirsten will kiking and denise will be babaysam. and the guys... well you'll see.
lorraine and allyson just left. and allyson... im SORRY! i told my mom what you told me! and now she wants to confront your mom bout how she doesnt want you hanging out with us. im sorry. your mom want be pissed right? i tell my mom everything. damn. sorry...
we went shopping today! lorraine got a really cute dress that really suits her and chute shoe (but i liked the other shoes too. you would too i bet) but yeah. allyson's parents are such kill joys. they resticted our choices of dresses for her. so got her a cute dress that looks good on her but it couldve been better! i wanted her to buy like a tight black dress b/c she has a cute figure, but she needs some chichies man! gawd! eat some tomatoes and grow them mosquitoe bite baby! haha sorry if this is embarassing allyson, but dont worry no one will read this b/c my life is boring.
so i like this guy... lets call him chief. and omg hes driving me up a wall. i hate it how he holds me and crap and still talk bout other girls. if he doesnt like me then he should stop flowing with me if i hold his hand or something. OMG! which reminds me, i had a bad dream bout him yesterday! he had a weird metal hand that kin of looked like a door knob, haha.and i was kind of holding his hand and i asked him, 'is it weird when i hold your hand?' and he said, 'yeah' omg i was sooo sad. and like i think i had that dream b/c i was going to ask him that on friday but i hella chickened out. gosh. the only reason i dont tell him why i like him is b/c i know that there could never be something there. he'll always just see me as a friend (which totally kills me) and i dont want to ruin what we have, like right now he's comfortable with me enough for me to hold his hand and to 'cuddle' with him. and if i tell him it'll get awkward... that sucks right? its a legit reason. and the thing is bout chief is that i liked him before he got cute. like he would always ask me 'should i change my hair? should i get skinnies/v necks/ vans???' and i would always answer, 'no, i like you just the way you are.' but i was never enough, he changed anyways. he always asks me for fashion advice but he doesnt really care what i think. i hate this one girl he's madly in love with. lets call her... assnibbler. shes so annoying! plus shes really rude to me. he always likes girls i hate. idk why. coinsidence? damn this sucks. and im not really fond bout this other girls he always talks bout when she around. we'll call her mangobiter.
i can talk bout mangobiter all day... but i wont. ill just say this. she HATES me! idk why! i tried to be cool with her this week and she still is really cold with me. like online when we talk, i feel like shes hella nice. but at school shes so cold. which makes me sad b/c she used to be such a good friend to me. and now... she feels like i dont need her. i was like WOW! damn. i hate misunderstandings. but yeah... my life is fine without her. she doesnt even care that i want to smooth things over. w.e
; but anyways, on a happier note, im REALLY excited bout military ball. SO EXCITED! haha. i just wanna dance! and like all the guys are going, so im really excited. not like guys in general. my guys. like bunz, bubba, booger, birdy and erik. (haha erik's first highschool dance) but yeah im really excited b/c i get to enjoy it with my closest friends. but oh pickles! bubby isnt going! and bulilit! they never can go anywhere. damn, i really want them to come. but yeah. oh! and of course my ladies are going to be there (besides babysam and kikay) allyson, lorraine(with her baby of course.) and kiking. oh and not to mention bunz's and booger's surprise dates! haha youll never guess who! i did this just for you bunz!
oh yeah and lorraine, let your baby breathe!
haha yeah, lets talk sometime. =]
lorraine and allyson just left. and allyson... im SORRY! i told my mom what you told me! and now she wants to confront your mom bout how she doesnt want you hanging out with us. im sorry. your mom want be pissed right? i tell my mom everything. damn. sorry...
we went shopping today! lorraine got a really cute dress that really suits her and chute shoe (but i liked the other shoes too. you would too i bet) but yeah. allyson's parents are such kill joys. they resticted our choices of dresses for her. so got her a cute dress that looks good on her but it couldve been better! i wanted her to buy like a tight black dress b/c she has a cute figure, but she needs some chichies man! gawd! eat some tomatoes and grow them mosquitoe bite baby! haha sorry if this is embarassing allyson, but dont worry no one will read this b/c my life is boring.
so i like this guy... lets call him chief. and omg hes driving me up a wall. i hate it how he holds me and crap and still talk bout other girls. if he doesnt like me then he should stop flowing with me if i hold his hand or something. OMG! which reminds me, i had a bad dream bout him yesterday! he had a weird metal hand that kin of looked like a door knob, haha.and i was kind of holding his hand and i asked him, 'is it weird when i hold your hand?' and he said, 'yeah' omg i was sooo sad. and like i think i had that dream b/c i was going to ask him that on friday but i hella chickened out. gosh. the only reason i dont tell him why i like him is b/c i know that there could never be something there. he'll always just see me as a friend (which totally kills me) and i dont want to ruin what we have, like right now he's comfortable with me enough for me to hold his hand and to 'cuddle' with him. and if i tell him it'll get awkward... that sucks right? its a legit reason. and the thing is bout chief is that i liked him before he got cute. like he would always ask me 'should i change my hair? should i get skinnies/v necks/ vans???' and i would always answer, 'no, i like you just the way you are.' but i was never enough, he changed anyways. he always asks me for fashion advice but he doesnt really care what i think. i hate this one girl he's madly in love with. lets call her... assnibbler. shes so annoying! plus shes really rude to me. he always likes girls i hate. idk why. coinsidence? damn this sucks. and im not really fond bout this other girls he always talks bout when she around. we'll call her mangobiter.
i can talk bout mangobiter all day... but i wont. ill just say this. she HATES me! idk why! i tried to be cool with her this week and she still is really cold with me. like online when we talk, i feel like shes hella nice. but at school shes so cold. which makes me sad b/c she used to be such a good friend to me. and now... she feels like i dont need her. i was like WOW! damn. i hate misunderstandings. but yeah... my life is fine without her. she doesnt even care that i want to smooth things over. w.e
; but anyways, on a happier note, im REALLY excited bout military ball. SO EXCITED! haha. i just wanna dance! and like all the guys are going, so im really excited. not like guys in general. my guys. like bunz, bubba, booger, birdy and erik. (haha erik's first highschool dance) but yeah im really excited b/c i get to enjoy it with my closest friends. but oh pickles! bubby isnt going! and bulilit! they never can go anywhere. damn, i really want them to come. but yeah. oh! and of course my ladies are going to be there (besides babysam and kikay) allyson, lorraine(with her baby of course.) and kiking. oh and not to mention bunz's and booger's surprise dates! haha youll never guess who! i did this just for you bunz!oh yeah and lorraine, let your baby breathe!
haha yeah, lets talk sometime. =]
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