sleep with the lights on

i hate how i want to do good in school. but when it actually comes time to do it. for example, i have so much to do in AP world like my review, and read the whole damn chapter. and in english i have to read like 243 pages of shit and highlight "significant" quotes and write bout them. nad i also have to do vocab. and i also have to do my honors english essay thingy. oh and BS the whole CASHEE thingy.

stress. stress. stress. STRESS. stress. stress...

my most commonly used adjective/noun.
im not trying to say my life sucks. but it could be better. im always trying to find ways to better myself and when i lay out a plan, i never follow it through. i procrastinate, i blow it off, i push it to the side. then i kill myself over it later it on. WHY DO I DO THIS??? i really pisses me off. i need to get my life in order. its too... all over the place.
i learned that in when we're in highschool, the frontal part of our brain is beginning to develop. thats our common sense part. so when we're in highschool, we're not as... sensible as we could be. we make stupid decisions and stuff. but i really hate that as being an excuse.
i regret buying my contacts. there are these really cool ones online. i bought like these ones at my optomitrist and like now i want these really cool azn [this is the website --->(ones.http://exquisitestore.multiply.com/) there make your eyes bigger? idk theyre really cool though. i was like 'ill just wait til my contacts run out' but these babies will last me a whole year! damn. this sucks haha. but what ever.
my mom hates me! she balmes our money problems on me. like as if i ask for money every waking moment. all i ask for is clothes. and do i getr that? NO! if you look at my closet you can trace back my clothes and shoes from eighth grade. gosh it really sucks. and she was like "jen always wants money." and of course i feel really bad when i ask for money. but she doesnt want me to get a job so i can get my own money, but shes doesnt want me asking for any... thats really stupid logic.
so yeah its almost 1 am. its 1259. haha i cant sleep. i was typing up some essays and i was planning on studying but i wanted to download some music. urgh! its hard to find a good website to get free music from. i cant use limewire =[ my family has a bad history with it. but yeah. did you know that if your caught with illegal online downloading youll get fined with $3000? and if you refuse youll have to pay $3000 for each song??? sucks right? what sucks more is that if you do it in college like if you live in the dorms or something, the college will hack into your computer and cut your internet off and they might charge you if you keep doing it. that sucks... but yeah my ipod started working! i was really sad b/c like music is my only vice. and without my ipod i have nothing! haha. its true! and i just got it! but i was like, maybe with a little hope itll come back to life (b/c it died but when i plugged it in to the charger it wouldnt turn on and at first i thought the wire was being stupid so i checked with my brothers ipod and his worked fine and thats when i knew my baby was a goner!) so i plugged it in again just with the slightest hope itll turn back on. i kept on pushing the power button but still nothing. so i sat down and started writing stuff in bulilit's birthday card, then i heard it. the most beautiful sound in the whole damn world: my ipod coming to life! i was so excited i startes to squeal (and not like a pig!) my mom thought i got hurt and my brother thought i was watching something scary. haha but im happy.
tmro, well technically today, is bulilit's bday! i made him a cake, which i tried somthing different (i put pudding in the mix b/c i heard it make the cake extra moist which is good) so i hope it tastes good. and lorraine allyson and i bought him a card. its pretty big. its sings, and i really like the song, well i like the bass line. haha. it suits him. and like i feel bad now. b/c bubba got him something special too and now bunz is sort of upset. i mean i know i would. like we're doing all this special stuff for buililit. IM SORRY! I LOVE YOU MORE BUNZ!!! but the thing is, bulilits bday is on a school day, and bunz is over break, which we had a party for. im not going to make a cake a bring it to his house when his mom bought a perfectly good cake. i would if i threw a party. (which im actually on planning to do but shhh its a surprise) and bulilit doesnt get much for his bday, and he says he doesnt like it when ppl get him things so im doing this to spite him... out of love though haha. so dont worry bunz, i have something special in store for you! haha.

O.O

fuck you guys! im scared of my room now! i keep hearing crap! allyson! i hate you! no more grudge movies! ahh! you dont even keep your eyes open! dammitt! im scared to sleep now! im going to sleep with the lights on now! shit!